MRI scan

Yes, today was our 13th wedding anniversary. We agreed not to get each other anything, seen as we bought the dehydrator and the dishwasher as a gift to ourselves. I kept my end of the bargain. Not even a card was bought by me. But not Dan. No. This afternoon a taxi pulled into our driveway. I thought he had got the wrong house. But he knocked on the door and delivered me a huge bouquet of flowers. So Dan didn't keep to his side of the bargain. But they were lovely flowers.

This evening I had my MRI scan. Mum came to babysit the kids so that Dan could come with me. I wanted him in with me because I know I can be a little claustrophobic at times. Although, I've never been in a situation where I've been confined, so its hard to be sure if I am claustrophobic or not. So he came with me. I wasn't at all nervous. When I went to the reception the nurse said that Dan would have to wait in the waiting area. I asked if he could come and she said 'no'. Then I said that I was a little claustrophobic and would feel happier if he was there. So she agreed, but he would have to fill out forms and take any metals items off of him etc. She seemed a little annoyed at the extra paper work. I felt a bit of a con for asking for him to be there as I'm not really that claustrophobic.

I had to remove all my jewelry, my glasses, my metal under-wired bra! (I never even thought about it!) and answer lots of questions concerning metal and operations. Then she took us into this room. At this point I had no glasses on so I couldn't really see a thing. She said "pop up onto that bed there". Steve sat at the side of the room. I had said to Steve before hand "I will be OK as long as a) they don't strap my head in, b) I have at least an arms length of room or c) they only put my head into the machine and not my whole body. If they did 2 of the 3, but not all 3, I would be fine. So I lay on the bed. The nurse said "I'm just putting this aerial on your head". No problem. But this aerial was not an aerial, it was a metal head cage, like something off of Silence of the Lambs! It was strapped across my head and locked into position. My eyes peered out from the gaps. "I'm OK" I thought "I can cope with that". The nurse had already put some headphones on me with my favourite CD playing. Over the sound of music I just about heard her say "if you're claustrophobic you may want to close your eyes". This was the only information I was offered. I wasn't told what would happen, or anything more than this. No my mind, I should have been shown the machine, told how far I would go in and talked through the process.

I felt her put something in my hand. "This is the alarm. You can press this if you are in any distress". OK, lying very calmly in my head cage. Then I closed my eyes and felt the bed moving. I was fine. Eyes closed. Listening to my music. Been there for about 12 seconds, give or take. So I thought, "Hmm, I wonder what's happening. I'll take a look around". I opened my eyes. BIG MISTAKE. To my horror my entire body was caged in what I could only describe as a sterile white plastic coffin! The top of the tube/machine was only inches from my nose. My heart almost exploded with terror. At this point I realise I really am claustrophobic and all sense or reason disappeared. I tried to move my arms but couldn't stretch them. A, B and C had all happened to me and I lost the ability to stay calm. It was very unlike 'me'. I pressed the panic button. The nurse thought I'd pressed it my mistake. They I started shouting "get me out of here, please let me out" and as the panic raced through my body I was about to start kicking and breaking their equipment when I felt the bed moving out. Oh thank god. I was out. They took the brace off my head, I sat up and have never felt so utterly horrendous in my entire life! And my sensible head was telling me how daft I was being, but my body was having a panic attack.

I sat bolt upright. My mouth had gone completely dry, just instantly dry, it was so weird. My lips were tingling and my heart was pounding through my chest wall. I could hear the nurse saying "you opened your eyes didn't you". She started telling me that I had to go back in because the scan was important. She said that if I did it again once the machine was switched on (I hadn't yet got to that stage) that she would lose all the magnetic power and they wouldn't be able to do the scan. I really wanted to get the scan done so I lay back down quickly because if I'd had time to think about it I'd have run out of the building. She said Dan could stand at the machine and hold my feet to comfort me. They strapped my head in again, put the music on, and I shut my eyes as tight as I could. I clenched my fists round that alarm and tried to breath slowly. I really needed a paper bag. I felt the machine moving again and my heart was just pounding so hard. I couldn't breath normally. My lips were shaking. I've seen peoples lips and hands shake from fear but never experienced it. But now my lips were shaking uncontrollably, as were my hands. My eye lids were shaking up and down whilst my eyeballs were shaking from left to right! Honestly. It was so hard to keep them closed as they were flickering everywhere. And the whole time I was trying to tell myself how silly I was being.

I lay there, paralysed for about 20 minutes. I daren't move a muscle for fear that I would panic again. I could feel Dan rubbing my legs and feet, and tapping in time to the music on me. I tried to concentrate on the words to the songs. I took the Serene and Pearl CD 'Peace All Over Me' because the words are inspiring and create great images in my mind. I tried so hard to listen to the words and block out what was happening. But the machine was so noisy that I could barely hear the music. I did not open my eyes once. If I had opened them, I would have lost it completely. I just lay there, trying to breath. The noises were very loud. Metal clanking noises, bashing and crashing, and robotic noises too. After what seemed like an eternity I felt the bed moving. I didn't open my eyes till I felt the head cage go, just in case I'd got it wrong, and the bed wasn't moving at all, LOL.

The nurse said nothing but "you're free to go now". Whilst I tried to compose myself after the most horrific half an hour of my life. It took me about 2 hours to calm down. Even typing this I'm getting palpitations. Dan had to stop at a cafe on the way home and buy me a cup of tea and a lemon meringue pie.

I have learnt from this that I am extremely claustrophobic. I am sure measures should be taken for people like that having MRI scans. If I'd have been given a blindfold, or something over my eyes I would have been fine. Also, if I'd have been talked through the process I may have been more prepared. Surely this must happen a lot? Judging my the nurses complacent reaction, it probably does. Apparently I should have been sedated before hand. But who wants to feel groggy for two days just to go through a scan? Since coming home I just feel so silly about the whole thing. I mean, my common sense tells me I was in no danger whatsoever, but my phobia took over and I had no control over myself. It's scary. Now I just have to wait on the results.