Our family, this week

It's Wednesday evening at 11.20pm and I've climbed into bed to read a book, but somehow ended up with the laptop on my knee. I like Wednesday evenings. It's the night Jimmie (13) and I watch 'The Family' together. It's one of the rare times these days when he comes to sit with me for any length of time. We watch it together and discuss how the family deals with situations, and how we would deal with them. It's really a good time for us both. He always comes and sits and hugs me afterwards, which makes me so happy I could cry. I think watching it helps him to see how parents worry about their kids, and how we only nag and moan because we care. And he sees the teenagers in it behaving the way he does, upsetting their parents, and making up again. It's good for both of us to see, and there's always a good feeling in our house afterwards. I guess its a relief to see that other families face the same issues as we do.

On the subject of teenagers (one in particular) Jimmie came sheepishly up to me this afternoon after school and asked "who is in a better mood? you or Dad?" So right then I knew something was up. He came and sat on the bed with his homework diary and started to explain that he is on report this week for repeated bad behaviour. He had to tell me as there was a note from his form tutor which I have to sign every night. Apparently I will be receiving a letter in the mail from her too, and she has invited me to contact her. So its not good news. He has had Monday detentions three weeks in a row, and a few lunch time detentions, for various things - wearing his uniform too scruffy, talking in class, forgetting homework or books, being late for class. It's one thing after another. His main problem is laziness and a lack of organisation I think. So I sat and had a good talk with him. He obviously thought he was going to be in immense trouble, as he generally agreed with everything I said and agreed to improve his behaviour. I guess he didn't want to push his luck any further. It remains to be seen if we will see a marked improvement. If not I guess a trip to the school will be in order.

We talked about his schoolwork as well. His English homework last night was to describe a room in his house. He chose to talk about the utility room and the reasons that he likes it. He described the smell of bread baking, the smell of the cupboard that holds all the washing powders, the smell of the shoe cupboard, all so imaginatively. It was a really creative piece of writing, but not very long. He told me when he read it to me that it was supposed to be short. So today he came to me and said his English teacher called him to one side to talk to him. She told him that he has a great creative talent for writing, and that she thinks he could take it far, but that he is so lazy and just doesn't put the effort into his work. She feels he is wasting a great talent. So we discussed this and I tried to inspire him to work harder on English. I explained that not everyone can be good at everything. That we all may only find a few things in life that we are truly exceptional at. And when we find such things we should nurture that talent and make the most of it. I told him that he may well only be very good at a couple of subjects, so instead of feeling bad at everything, try to excel in the areas where he can. He seemed to understand and agree. But it remains to be seen whether he can overcome his laziness. He truly is the most lazy person I have ever met. (And I guess my Mum will tell me that he gets that from me!)

Moving on from Jimmie then... Barney has been absent from school one or two days a week since he suffered from a cold about a month ago. He kept waking up at night with excruciating headaches, blocked nose, a croup sounding cough, and a few times even a temperature. So eventually I was forced to take him to the doctors. The doctor thought his sinuses had become infected from the cold, and so gave him some antibiotics to take. He seems a lot better a few days after starting the medication. But while we were at the doctors I pointed out a lump on Barneys chest that I have recently noticed. As his father has Neurofibromatosis (a genetically inherited disease) I thought I should mention it. At first the doctor seemed unconcerned. But then he started feeling up and down Barneys chest wall, and counting. The counting startled me a bit, then eventually he said 'hmm, I think we should get a chest x-ray". So I thought OK, 3 months waiting for an x-ray appointment, but no, the doctor wanted me to get one right away - that afternoon! The 'lump' is hard, like bone, and kind of looks like a broken rib that has healed. I can notice it through his t-shirts, but I know it hasn't been like that since he was born. The doctor asked if I remember a time he could have broken his ribs, but I cant think of anything like that happening. He went on to explain that he couldn't find the right number of ribs on Barneys right chest wall. Two of the ribs seem fused together by bone or something. He said that it could just be a genetic abnormality - that he does actually have two fused ribs - but that an x-ray was needed to make sure it is nothing more sinister. So I took him straight over for his chest x-ray and now we have a 3 week wait for the results.

Annabelle has been mostly a darling the last few weeks. She does her homework without being asked, she generally keeps her room tidy, she is kind to Barney, and she helps me when asked. Hence I don't have much to blog about her. But I don't take it for granted that she's being so great. I know it probably wont last forever, so I appreciate it while I can. Lol. It wont be long until her 12th birthday. She is looking forward to having a little sister to take care of. I think I will barely get to cuddle little Emily once Annabelle gets her hands on her. When I mentioned that she's going to be like a second mother to Emily, Barney piped up with "and I'm going to be like a second Daddy - but I'm not going to change any smelly nappies!"

We are almost 31 weeks pregnant now. I was looking at photos today of babies who were born at 31 weeks gestation and lived to be perfectly healthy children. Our little girl weighs about 4lbs now and is fully grown in length, although she will put on about 1/2lb a week from now until birth. She has moved into the head down position ready for birth and kicks far stronger than any of my other three babies did. Her kicks actually hurt me. It's like being beaten up from the inside. I remember very strong kicks at the end of pregnancy with my others, but they were never so painful. I have started to play a song to her in the womb. I had a song for each of my babies, which they all recognised and calmed down to after birth. You can hear Emily's song by clicking here if you wish to.

A bit of me time.

It's Saturday lunch time and I'm in bed with a cup of tea, and my laptop, listening to the pouring rain beating down on the skylights. It feels so comfy to be snuggled up in bed during a rain storm. Of course, as a mother of three (nearly four) I don't often get the chance to stay in bed until lunch time, but this weekend my darling family have gone off to England to visit Dan's family. So I have the house to myself and lots of time on my hands.

As much as I miss them, it is nice to have a bit of me time. And I have discovered during this me time, that I'm a much messier person than I gave myself credit for! Much of today will be spent washing dishes, tidying up and washing clothes. But until then I'm just going to relax in bed.

I've been busy this week trying to get lots of birthday and Christmas shopping done before our little baby girl arrives (in about 9 weeks time). I took a trip to Belfast and spent a small fortune in Primark (great place for young teen girls clothes) and yesterday I drove to Newry and spent a bit more money. Barney is having his 5th birthday on Monday and I think I'm now ready for that at least. Then it wont be long until Annabelle's 12th birthday. Then the birth of Emily, and then Christmas and my birthday. Its an expensive time of year, what with all the baby stuff we are having to purchase too.

After shopping in Belfast I ventured back to my old belly dance class with Mum. I haven't been dancing since December, before our trip to America. So that's 10 months of no dance, 7 months of which I've been pregnant... and well, as you can imagine, I was less than hot on the dance floor. The lesson was a practice of veil dancing, which typically involves lots of spinning, jumping, gliding gracefully whist twirling round a veil. Oh my goodness, I looked a sight. A heavily pregnant woman trying to spin gracefully with a veil. Well, it was fun if nothing else. And it's only going to get harder for me over the coming weeks.

Here is a photo of my gorgeous Jimmie, my teenage son, who despite his teenage mood swings is still totally adorable and lovely to his Mum (at times). I took him out to get his hair cut and styled this week as he'd been complaining that it was too long and curly, and generally looked messy (the before photo can be seen here). He is growing up so fast, now towering a good two inches taller than me, and still growing at a rapid rate. I'm sure the family in England won't believe the size of him. Jimmie and I have been watching the new documentary series 'The Family' together on Channel 4. The series follows an average family with teenagers over 100 days in their own home. There are cameras in every room and we get to see family life unfolding. It's been good for Jimmie and I to sit and watch it together, as I get to see how other teenagers behave, and he gets to see how other parents cope or struggle with bringing up a large family. I've loved every second of the show, and think the family on it are just delightful (despite the rows and fights that any family inevitably has). The kids on the show fight and argue but obviously have a deep love and care for one another which is good for Jimmie to see. And at age 14, 17 and 19 they still hug their parents! Wonderful.

Today Barney is having a little birthday party in England with his grandparents and his cousins. No doubt he will phone me later to tell me all about it in great detail. I love the little phone calls he makes to me while they are away. He phoned when they got off the plane to tell me that he thought he needed a poo! Boy did that make me chuckle. He phones me about four times a day, just to tell me that he loves me, and to keep me up to date with all the goss. They will be home again tomorrow and I'll be lonely no more. It's nice to have some time to myself, but I do miss them all. My gorgeous, precious, beautiful family.

What I love about Sam

Sam is one of the most beautiful people on this planet, in so many ways. The fact that he is alive makes this planet a whole better place. From the day he was born we all knew he was going to be a charmer. He has always been one of the friendliest, most easy going people I’ve ever known.

Of course, he’s my son, so I will love him to bits, naturally. But I love the person he is, and the person he is becoming for many more reasons than simply because he is my son. Beautiful is not a strong enough word to describe him. And the love I feel for him can not be put into words either.

Sam is caring. Every time I have tried to walk down the stairs on crutches since I broke my feet 3 weeks ago, he has asked “do you need any help?” I love him for that. He knows he can do nothing to help, but he cares enough to ask anyway.

Sam is fun. There is no one in this world as fun as Sam. His little brother can’t wait to burst into Sam’s room in the morning yelling “wake up Sam” because he knows the fun is about to begin. Life with Sam is never boring. His friends think he’s great; his brother, sister, cousins, all love to play with him. He is vibrant, full of life, energetic, imaginative and extremely creative. Sam doesn’t need any toys because his imagination is more exciting than anything that can be created from plastic or wood.

Sam is cuddly. He doesn’t get as many cuddles as he should. But I love the fact that at 12 years old he still wants to cuddle me. I love his cuddles, they make me feel special, loved. I hope he never stops hugging me. I love him so much. I want to hug him more than I do. I must make more time.

Sam is thoughtful. From such a young age I could see how deeply he thought, and felt, about things. He does precious things for the people he cares about. And is never selfish. He gives up a lot of his time for his little brother, to play with him, bond with him and make his life happier. For that I love him to bits.

Sam brings happiness, energy, vibrance, meaning, to this family. Without him life would be far duller, far sadder. He is an air head. He forgets everything I tell him and messes everything up. But I love this about him too. It is because he is so passionately involved in the moment, in what he is doing or dreaming about, that he goes around in a haze. Although I’m always having to tell him he’s forgotten things, I still love this about him. It is a rare gift to be this way. He is so lucky. That he can forget all the boring mundane things in life and enjoy the precious important things, is a precious thing, and I love him for that too.

I wish I could be a better Mum for Sam. He deserves the best Mum on the planet, and I am always trying to do better. I am just human and I make so many mistakes. But no matter what, I love him from the very depths of my heart, and always will, and I hope he knows this and feels it. I would do anything for him. I want to protect him, guide him, gently lead him through life. And sometimes he thinks I am hard and unrelenting on him, but one day I hope he will see that this is because I care so much for him and want the very best for his future. I could be an easy Mum that lets him get away with anything, but then his beautiful precious character would be spoilt like so many other children. As much as it hurts me to be hard sometimes, I do it only because I care so much for him.

I love my baby Sam, my firstborn son, my angel, my precious gift from God, the most vibrant caring boy on the planet.

Jimmies 12th Birthday

At last, a photo from Jimmies 12th birthday. Here he is playing the new electric guitar that we bought him. He has been practicing it every day since and it seems to have spurred him on with learning the guitar. He looks so grown up with it.

You know you're getting old when...

...Your eldest child goes on their first date! Oh yes. It has happened. Today Jimmie went to the cinema with a girl from his class, albeit she somewhat conned him into a date, but it was all very sweet. She asked him if he would go with her and her best friend to see Spiderman 3, and he agreed. But just before he left to meet them she texted him to say her friend had pulled out and would it be ok if they went alone. Like a true gentleman he texted her back to say it was fine with him as long as her parents didn't mind. Bless him, he was so nervous waiting at the cinema. Dan took him as far as the entrance, and he said that the wee girl was lovely looking, and all dressed up to impress. They stood in line and barely said a word to each other. When Jimmie got home he had to tell us that he had offered to pay for her ticket because he felt it was the gentlemanly thing to do, and she had accepted, and thanked him. He obviously takes after his father there. I was quite impressed. After he arrived home he got another text from her checking that he had gotten home safely! When did kids get so thoughtful?! It's like something from an old movie. Outside the cinema they bumped into some friends from school who asked them if they were on a date. Both of them said nothing and the friends so "oh, I see!" So no doubt they will be the talk of the class at school tomorrow. When did my children grow up? They were babies yesterday.

All about Saturday

I spent most of Saturday cleaning, playing with Barney and un-cooking. Jimmie and Annabelle decided they were having a lazy day, and seen as they never really do, I decided to leave them to it. Jimmie didn't get dressed until 5.30pm, and that was only when I told him that Daddy was taking them to see Charlotte's Web at the cinema. I guess he wasn't too keen to go in his PJ's. Since Annabelle and Jimmie were keeping to themselves, and Dan was at work, it meant that I was Barney's only companion. And it was one of those days when he wanted a constant friend. So I spent most of the day with him. I answered a million deep questions, mostly about him becoming a Daddy one day - ie, when would it happen, how would it happen, who would be the mummy?, would he have to move out of our house, why couldn't he grow a baby in his tummy?, where was the baby now then if it hadn't been born yet?, and lots more besides. His brain is just soaking up everything that we tell him. He is craving information and understanding. I just love them at that age, when the whole world is just full of excitement, possibilities and adventures.

In the afternoon Barney and I made a little house under the kitchen table. We covered the table with duvets and blankets which draped down as our walls. Then we put a rug in to sit on, and some cushions, and Barney brought in some plastic food items from his kitchen. The pair of us spent an hour in there. At one point he was a dog with puppies (teddies) and I was a nice lady. Then I was a friendly giant (I think this came from my inability to sit upright inside the house). He cooked me dinner and proved that giants don't need to eat teddies to survive. At the end of the hour I was crippled from constant slouching and crawling, but I had a happy 3 year old who was content to watch TV whilst I did a bit of un-cooking.

So what did I make? Well, I'm still experimenting at the moment. The oat and buckwheat granola that I prepared a few days ago was finally dehydrated and we had a bowl this morning for breakfast. Steve really liked it. I thought it was a bit plain and I will add more fruit and more honey next time. When I looked at the packet of shop bought granola the second highest ingredient was sugar, which probably explains why mine tasted more plain.

















For last nights dinner Dan and I tried out the Onion crackers with some avocado and raw parsnip & lemon dip. It was ok. Dan seemed more enthused with it than I was. I found the pumpkin seeds made the onion crackers too strong, and so I made some more with sunflower seeds instead. The raw parsnip dip (parsnips from our garden) was ok, but it was too lemony, in my opinion. However, Dan woofed the whole thing down and said he loved it. Who has taken my real husband and what have they done with him?

This is the second, milder batch of onion bread that was ready this morning. We haven't tried it yet.












Something Dan is not so fussed on trying are these stuffed mushrooms. They smell lovely, but they're not his sort of thing. They are mushrooms stuffed with an olive and pine nut tapenade. I got the recipe from this website.

Today Dan has gone to Curry's to purchase a new dishwasher. We really can't afford one and will have to dip into our emergency savings. But I am literally spending hours every day washing up. I do so much in the kitchen and the time a dishwasher saves is invaluable, in my opinion. Our fridge and freezer are also dying and so he is going to look at them while he is there.

Jimmie will be off school all week for half term (already!) Here are some photos of the boys playing together this week. They are both such little characters, and completely lovable.


Jimmie made them both fishing rods from bamboo sticks and string, and they spent a fun hour in the front garden fishing in the grass for imaginary fish!









They looked so adorable swinging in the hammock together that I just had to grab the camera. They look so happy.

The Red Plate

In this edition of Above Rubies there was an article about encouraging our children. People wrote in with different ideas that they use to encourage their kids. One of the suggestions was the New Zealand tradition of the Red Dinner Plate. They have a special red dinner plate which only comes out once or twice a week to mark a point of achievement with one of the children. When the family comes to the dinner table they see the red plate in someones setting and get excited as to why that person has the red plate. Then at dinner time the parents say why that child has been given the red plate, and everyone talks about their achievement and encourages them. It can be given for anything that has involved some level of achievement and effort. Perhaps for overcoming a fear, winning an award, showing kindness to another etc. Well, after reading that article I liked the idea. Of course the plate does not have to be red, it just has to be special. But then I accidentally ended up in the Marks and Spencer Christmas sale (I was supposed to be in the cinema but Barney got bored so we wandered round the shops for a bit). There in the sale section was a huge pile of plain red plates, reduced to £1 each! Well, I had to buy one. I felt a bit daft buying just one dinner plate, LOL.

This week the plate has been set at the table twice. All three children like the idea and they always discuss whether anyone will get the red plate tonight. Firstly Jimmy was given the red plate. This week his school report was sent home (I will talk about that in a minute), and over the holidays he has been offering (!!!) to help me with housework. Yes, I'm gobsmacked too! But every day he has been asking "Mummy, is there anything I can do to help?" That is something that definitely needs public recognition! Then last night Barney got the red plate, for overcoming his fear of hair washing. He was so scared of bath times that he became hysterical. It was horrible. I suggested showers to him and over a period of two weeks he has gone from being hysterical and shaking with fear in the shower, to asking for a shower every morning. (Santa put a bottle of cherry smelling Chicken Little shampoo in his stocking which has been a real motivator!) So we gave him the red plate to recognise his braveness and mark his overcoming.

I must mention Jimmy's first term school report. They are given two grades, A - D for achievement (A being the highest), and 1 to 4 for effort (1 being the most effort), and there are also some exam results in percentages.

Art & Design B+, 1
Drama A, 93%, 1
English, talking & listening A, Reading B, Writing B, exam 64%, effort 1
French 87%, 1
Geography A, 98%, 1
History A, 91%, 2
Home Economics B+, 73%, 1
Information Technology B, 1
Maths B, 2
Music 70%, 1
PE C, 2
RE A, 1
Science A, 90%, 1
Technology 76%, 1

Some of those results are very good aren't they? He was quite pleased with most of it. Every subject had a full A4 paged report with comments from the teacher. The staff seem to put a lot of effort into producing it every term. I was particularly amused at the RE teachers comment that if he struggles with spelling he should do all his homework on the computer to avail of the spellcheck facilities! LOL.